I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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