Sry I called you an 8
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
