she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize