TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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