Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
