one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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