My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
