yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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