Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
