Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
