I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
