Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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