We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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