you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish you could order shots online.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
