i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
