i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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