Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
