I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
