Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
