I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I looked at my own cervix.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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