You work out of a Hotel?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
