the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
