census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
