I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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