I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
