I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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