I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
