Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
