I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She is in my trunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
