brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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