This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I stole a fireplace last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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