Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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