You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
