Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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