I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
