so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
