I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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