a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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