Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
