so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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