I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
