i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
