Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
