I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
