I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
