I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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