i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
