So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
