i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize