dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
