I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
