Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize