New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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