maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
