Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
