I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
