Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
