Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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