I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize