Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
