he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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