Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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