i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
