We're facebook friends in real life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
