wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
