He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
