I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
