wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
