After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
