My friends, they love my intelligence
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
