you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
