So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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