mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
