so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
