I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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