PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
