Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
