Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
In America we eat man semen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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