i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
