I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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