somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
