We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize