I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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