Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
