i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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