I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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