:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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