Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
