I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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