He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I want a musical about memes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
