Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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