Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
