Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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