he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The air was thick with penises
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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