what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
