I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize