Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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