It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
