its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
