You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
