just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
