I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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