if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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