he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
