dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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