do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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