Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
